I've stayed in my share of hotel rooms, I must admit. Mostly not on vacation. An anonymous hotel room is quite the aphrodisiac, and the perfect place to spend the night with an illicit lover. You can really let yourself go. Try new things. Get a bit crazy. And no one will know. Except maybe the person who cleans the room the next day.
Laura and her husband recently drove down to Providence from New Hampshire to have Thanksgiving dinner with the family. She had just gotten the job at the Holiday Inn and was excited to begin her new married life. During a lull in the conversation, I asked her a question.
"What is the strangest thing you've ever found in a hotel room?" I was curious.
Laura looked around the table, her face a bit flushed. With excitement. She had the floor, she knew it and she was going to make the most of it. All eyes were on her. Everyone was listening.
"There have been some really weird things that I've found, but the weirdest definitely had to be one of those leather whips...but this one had spikes on it!"
She got the desired affect. Everyone oohed and aahed in amazement at just how crazy people could be. Except for me. A whip with spikes? That didn't even come close to what I once left behind at a Hampton Inn in Boston.
I was meeting him, and we always ended up doing something absolutely crazy each time we got together. It was fun to try to think of new things to do that were just a bit more outrageous than what we had done previously. I had packed my overnight bag with the usual lingerie and baby oil and a bottle of Grand Marnier. I was ready to leave but couldn't think of anything special or different to bring.
Until I grabbed my car keys off the kitchen table.
Right next to the keys was a small bag of Swedish Fish. I had intended to give them to my 8 year old nephew, who loved the soft, gooey, red, fish-shaped jellys. But no. I had a better use for them.
I arrived at the hotel at 5pm, and he was awaiting me. He always got a two bedroom suite. There was an "oil room", which we used when covered with oil, and a "dry room", which we used when not covered with oil. He really did think of everything.
We proceeded to fuck our brains out for the next few hours, stopping now and then to sip some Grand Marnier, or move from the "oil room" to the "dry room".
It was getting late and we were exhausted from all the vigorous activity. I reached in my purse to grab my phone so I could set the alarm when I felt the bag of Swedish Fish. Aha! I knew exactly what to do with them.
While he was in the bathroom making the obligatory goodnight call to his wife, I opened the bag. I extracted 5 Swedish Fish, reached down to part my pussy lips, and stuck those poor unsuspecting fish where the sun never shined. I would have him eat them out of me!
Except...we both fell asleep.
You can imagine the mess we woke up to the next morning. The Swedish Fish had melted out of me and onto the crisp white hotel room sheets. We tried to clean the bedding the best we could but we both had to be at work at 8am and each of us had an hour drive. He felt so bad for the poor person who was assigned to clean the room that He left a $10 tip.
So when Laura told us about the spiked whip, I debated whether or not to tell the Swedish Fish story. I decided not to. It was Thanksgiving Dinner after all. It was time to appreciate a turkey stuffed with breadcrumbs and not a pussy stuffed with Swedish Fish.